hi gals my gradaughters hair follicle drug test came bach negative.  thank god.  there was a suspision that his family may have tranquilized her.  more court dates are in the near future will let u know as things progress.  i am loving every minute with my baby girl.  it is such a treasure.  i am more than exhausted at times. at that point i go in my room for some down time.  it is so much fun to watch day by day what this little child can learn.  it is a miracle happ[ening every day.

pamel i pray that you will have the strength to move forward in the direction that is best for you.  thank god ur grandaughtr and son have come into y our life at this time.  may you have the strenght that you need!!!!!!

lucy i hope i have not offended you in any way.   i truly apologize if i have.  that is the last thing i wanted to do.  accept my apology if i have.  i will be much more aware of this in further posts.  i am truly sorry tghat u have been denied.  this system has to change. there r people out on the streets becuse of this horrible system.  THEY are not human.  i just have to take one day at a time i will go crazy if i do not.  there is a lot riding on the court system with my daughter,  i do not know how she is doing it every day.  she litterally shakes beyond control, and fearful every day of the possibilities that could go against her.  it is just a horrible experience as you are aware to have your live depend on other people and a system that does not even know you

i thank you all for your support.  we r all going through major crisis now and maybe we will all come out of it together.  lets pray this will all be over and managabel very soon.

love to all my fibr friends.  hope you all have a pain less day as we keep trucking on and on and on

love prema

thanks prema:it's really hard and very confusing rite now.

pamel

Dear Prema,

Good to hear from you!  I know you are a lot busier living with your daughter and caring for your grandaughter.  So happy you can find time to post.  So wonderful you are having so much fun with her, what a blessing.  I dream of the day when I am to be a Grandma.

You didn't offend me Prema.  I do know you better than that.  :)  I know you want this SSD for me as badly as I want it for myself.  I am doing what I can, and following my inner voice.  After finding out the reason I was denied again, (SSD claims they did not receive the paperwork), it furthers me to know I have very little control over this situation.  My lawyer said this was actually good, and I was like?  How can this be good when they are lieing about not getting the paperwork?   He said a very small percentage of people are approved at the reconsideration level.  This way they can request a hearing much sooner and it will take much less time.  He said the system is very screwed up, but we have to work with it.  After I cooled off I realized this was true.  My Dr. is writing a letter for me now.  I will be meeting with my lawyer again soon to discuss the hearing.  I am nervous for the hearing.

I was reading Tao De Ching later this day.  I am finished with the this book and starting to re-read.  I don't think you could ever read this book enough.  Lau Tzu talks a lot about water as important part  life.  The qualitites of water how strong yet how weak.  We can't grasp it, but if we let our hand be loose we can touch it.  Flow like water is what he recommends,  I have deeply thought about this and was inspired to paint this on my bedroom wall Tuesday afternoon.  "Flow Like Water".  It is helping me to remember the more I flow like water the easier my life will be.  Problems are only problems if we allow them to be in our mind.  The more we fight the more life fights back.

The 1st counseling session for my husband and I is Monday.  I am looking forward to it very much.  I think my husband is too.  We've been doing lots and lots of talking.  He is beginning to talk more about his feelings.  It is a good step for him, he hasn't ever been able to do this.  He started taking 5-HTP for depression.  He's been to the Dr. twice in the last week.  It is making him feel good to know he is taking care of himself for a change.  He had a small growth removed from his chest and will be back to the Dr. again on Tuesday to remove 4 stitches.  This is more than he has seen a Dr in years!  I am happy to see him caring for his own health, instead of thinking he can't.  I think he is ready to make some changes, at least I hope so.

Take good care Prema.

Love ~ Lucy

HI Prema:

Good news about your Granddaughter.  I bet you are relieved.  Little, baby steps all the time, right?  It is good for you to be able to see her and know that she is safe.  My Grandbabies are such a gift spiritually to me.  The smiles they bring; just hearing them laugh makes me feel happy!

...Gayle :)